I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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