Just fell off a train. Bad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
