he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
