I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
