Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
