Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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