How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
