I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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