Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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