Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
