Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
