Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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