I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
