woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
