my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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