Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize