I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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