ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
