nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
