and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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