your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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