You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
