She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
