Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
