even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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