Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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