please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
