pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
