there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
