Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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