Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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