So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
