He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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