he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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