I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life is pants optional.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
