If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
