haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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