help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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