Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
