I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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