when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many bounce houses so little time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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