you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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