So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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