sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
