I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
