"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
