Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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