Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
