And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
