??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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