I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
