some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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