i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
