the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
