he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
