Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize