someone threw a dead crab at me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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