ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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