I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
