I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
