You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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